Social Acceptance and
Rejection: The Sweet
and the Bitter
For proof that rejection, exclusion, and
acceptance are central to our lives, look no
farther than the living room, says Nathan Dewall,
a psychologist at the University of Kentucky. “If
you turn on the television set, and watch any
reality TV program, most of them are about
rejection and acceptance,” he says. The reason,
DeWall says, is that acceptance—in romantic
relationships, from friends, even from strangers—
is absolutely fundamental to humans.
In a new paper published in Current Directions
in Psychological Science, a journal of the
Association for Psychological Science, DeWall and
coauthor Brad J. Bushman of Ohio State
University review recent psychological research on
social acceptance and rejection. “Although
psychologists have been interested in close
relationships and what happens when those
relationships go awry for a very long time, it’s
only been about 15 yrs that psychologists have
been doing this work on exclusion and rejection,”
DeWall says. The results have highlighted how
central acceptance is to our lives.
DeWall thinks belonging to a group was probably
helpful to our ancestors. We have weak claws,
little fur, and long childhoods; living in a group
helped early humans survive harsh environments.
Because of that, being part of a group still helps
people feel safe and protected, even when walls
and clothing have made it easier for one man to
be an island entire of himself.
But acceptance has an evil twin: rejection. Being
rejected is bad for your health. “People who feel
isolated and lonely and excluded tend to have
poor physical health,” DeWall says. They don’t
sleep well, their immune systems sputter, and
they even tend to die sooner than people who are
surrounded by others who care about them.
Being excluded is also associated with poor
mental health, and exclusion and mental health
problems can join together in a destructive loop.
People with depression may face exclusion more
often because of the symptoms of their disorder—
and being rejected makes them more depressed,
DeWall says. People with social anxiety navigate
their world constantly worried about being socially
rejected. A feeling of exclusion can also contribute
to suicide.
Exclusion isn’t just a problem for the person who
suffers it, either; it can disrupt society at large,
DeWall says. People who have been excluded
often lash out against others. In experiments,
they give people much more hot sauce than they
can stand, blast strangers with intense noise, and
give destructive evaluations of prospective job
candidates. Rejection can even contribute to
violence. An analysis of 15 school shooters found
that all but two had been socially rejected.
It’s important to know how to cope with
rejection. First of all, “We should assume that
everyone is going to experience rejection on a
semi-regular basis throughout their life,” DeWall
says. It’s impossible to go through your entire
life with everyone being nice to you all the time.
When you are rejected or excluded, he says, the
best way to deal with it is to seek out other
sources of friendship or acceptance. “A lot of
times, people keep these things to themselves
because they’re embarrassed or they don’t think
it’s that big of a deal,” he says. But our bodies
respond to rejection like they do to physical pain;
the pain should be taken seriously, and it’s fine to
seek out support. “When people feel lonely, or
when people feel excluded or rejected, these are
things they can talk about,” he says.
DonaiD(Inspirational Artist) is a south-northern descendant who is versatile in music.He is known for his inspirational messages in his songs. This time, he calls this one "Wonky3" meaning, "You Wouldn't Delay" from the Akan dialet. It's a song that motivates everyone to keep fighting in life and shouldn't give up. The song also discusses "folks' betrayal" in life.
